im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
