Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
