We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
True strength comes from lack of pants
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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