Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
