...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
