summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
