I looked at my own cervix.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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