I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Randomize
