i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
