also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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