there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
my liver is dry heaving
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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