bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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