If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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