Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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