You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
