Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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