i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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