I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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