i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
