Kiss
Puke
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
