dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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