I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
