billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She's the barista slut.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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