Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
whose ass print is on the piano?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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