I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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