I could have mohawked her pubes.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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