No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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