So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
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