I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
