His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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