I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
