the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
