You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
