and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
