Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
