i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
