the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
