I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
it glows. i had to have it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
