i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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