Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
