so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
