I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
