Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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