wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
