i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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