God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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