please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
