You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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