i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
high people should be assigned attendants
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
