The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
