So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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